


Connie Swap Episode 9: Connie and The Connie

by br42, BurdenKing, CoreyWW, MjStudioArts



Series: Connie Swap [9]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Art, Dramedy, Evil Twins, F/M, Fights, Friendship, Gen, Momswap, Multiple Selves, Pictures, Romantic Friendship, Sad, Science Fiction, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Slice of Life, Steven Universe AU, Time Travel, well ... evil twins soooooort of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-23 19:10:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11408742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenKing/pseuds/BurdenKing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts
Summary: Connie gets an hourglass artifact and goes to see what things would have been like if she hadn’t failed the Lunar Sea Spire mission.





	1. Me, Myself, and Irate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you finish reading this chapter, there is a related omake story you might want to check out:  
> [Comic Relief](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/25009164) by [citrusella](http://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella) \- “Jeff and his new friend, Steven, begin an art project to make school in general, and the lunches specifically, more bearable.”

Steven and Connie were walking along the side of the road heading towards where the houses grew sparse and the trees grew thick.

“So Marty is the promoter guy your dad worked with?” clarified Connie, knowing she’d have a harder time getting a word in edgewise once Steven’s story built up steam.

“Yeah. He helped dad get his start and also handled the business side of things. By the time I was around, I think mom had kind of taken over a lot of that. He and mom don’t, uh, get along all that well. Well, okay, he’s kind of mom’s kryptonite. Wait, that makes him sound like he’s a gem like you guys. Maybe her Lex Luthor instead?”

“He sounds kinda lamer than Lex Luthor,” was Connie’s reply.

Steven giggled. “Well… I dunno, I almost never talked with him so I can’t really judge. Plus, I mean, he’s Sour Cream’s real dad so-”

“He is?!” Connie exclaimed.

Steven seemed startled, as if embarrassed that he had revealed that. “Well, um… y-yeah. So I figure as bad as he is, there’s gotta be something good in there to help make Sour Cream. I mean, nobody just _decides_ to be a big pain in the butt one day, you know?”

Connie frowned. Thinking back to some of the things Sour Cream had been saying at the quarry, even when you adjust for being in a supernatural funk… she was having trouble being anything resembling sympathetic to Marty. 

Plus, she found Steven was being overly generous in attributing some of Sour Cream’s general likability to Marty. _Still,_ she thought with a smile, _he’s Steven. If you removed every fluffy, optimistic notion and generous impulse, there wouldn’t be much left._

What she said, though, was, “Okay, but what was Marty doing specifically that got you and your family to head up to a law office inside a skyscraper in Empire City?”

“I didn’t understand any of the lawyer-talk but I think Marty was saying the usual amount of one quarter of the money didn’t apply here because he had sold the music rights to the burger place while working for his own company. So when he’s working for mom and dad directly, like he used to on the road, he makes one quarter of the deal, but when he’s working for Marty Wurster Representatives Inc. he gets three quarters. The deal was worth forty million-”

“FORTY MILLION?!” exclaimed Connie in disbelief. 

Intellectually she knew that Steven’s family was quite a bit wealthier than they let on. She’d also grown up largely removed from mainstream society, living primarily on food produced by the gems, with all of the Beach House’s utilities coming from Peridot’s contraptions or the temple itself, so she strongly suspected she placed less of an emphasis on money than other kids her age. Nevertheless it was jarring to hear numbers that big being spoken about casually by a boy who mostly wore hand-me-down shirts from his parents’ old musical career.

Steven nodded in response, his expression a mix of pride and bashfulness. “Yeah, and someone was getting thirty and someone was getting ten and that’s what the, uh, meeting was about. Mom was able to cite a bunch of law stuff, and she only kicked Marty under the big table everyone was sitting at where no one could see her doing it, which is pretty good behavior on her part... although she was wearing those heavy boots and I used to think she bought them for working in the garden since she said they were good for ‘dealing with slime’ but now I’m not so sure that’s what she meant especially since she only wears them wh-”

DING- _vibrate-vibrate_ DING- _vibrate-vibrate_

Over the previous two weeks it had become clear that Connie and Steven each had so much they wanted to talk about, as well so much they wanted to ask one another about, that they needed a system for shifting the conversation regularly. Taking a cue from the way Mr. Smiley divided his time between the amusement park and the arcade, the pair had taken to setting a timer on Steven’s phone. They used Steven’s because it was already configured to alert the boy through a combination of auditory and non-auditory means in case he failed to hear a conventional alarm. The alert, like the music played during Oscar acceptance speeches, meant the talker had a little time left to wrap up and then had to yield the conversational spotlight.

“The guys in the expensive suits said mom and dad got the thirty million and Marty started yelling and that security guy I’d told you about who geeked out about mom and dad’s old career and told me all those jokes? Mako or Mark or something? Anyway, he came in and dragged Marty away and we went to that asian restaurant and dad left them a tip-that-wouldn’t-fit-in-their-register-because-he-only-had-fifties-and-then-we-bought-moreglitterforthepowerdiary!” finished Steven in a rush before handing over his phone and leaning against a force field Connie summoned so he could catch his breath.

Connie waited for Steven to recompose himself. Once ready, the pair resumed their walk down the road as she punched in her allotment of time and broached her subject. “During the joy ride out to the quarry, Sour Cream said that you had been helping him on the weekends with his music. He said a lot of complimentary things, in fact.”

Steven fiddled with his hearing aids. “Oh? I mean, yeah, he comes in and rents the studio to work on his secret project. Something to do with avocados. He’s fun to work with. Why, what’d he say?”

“That you were a big help. That you knew a lot about music. That you were, uh, cleaner than a lot of music types,” she relayed, making a point of _not_ asking what brand of floral-scented shampoo he used; that would be weird... even if she had come to like the smell of it.

Steven rubbed the back of his neck and gave a weak chuckle. “Hehe, well, when you have hair like mine you really can’t go too long between showers. Besides, working with Sour Cream is fun. He’s known me for years and recognizes a lot of the signs I use when we’re talking about music and sound stuff. Plus, his chiptune stuff is a lot easier for me to hear than most other types. It, uh, it feels good to not be so clueless.”

Connie pondered this for a time as they walked along, choosing her words carefully. “I know you feel self-conscious about not being a musician in the way your parents are. Have you considered maybe doing something like Sour Cream does? Again, it sounds like it’s a musical genre that’s more accessible to you and Sour Cream seemed to think you were good at it.”

The large boy put his hands in his pockets, a sign among the deaf and hard of hearing that Connie had come to understand meant Steven didn’t particularly want to respond.

A few steps later Connie started to say something conciliatory when Steven waved her off. “No, no, it’s fine. Besides,” he said with a humorless laugh, “if you can tell me about facing down a nightmare monster, I can talk about this. I just... I like Sour Cream’s music, sure, but mainly I like the easier time I have doing all that performance and composition stuff with him. But at home, the music there, what mom and dad do and sing and listen to, what most people play when they come in, I want to do _that_. And I worry that if I ever got into the DJ digital thing like Sour Cream, I’d just give up. I’m… I’m not really ambitious. This is pretty much the one thing I’ve always wanted, and I’m scared that if I stopped practicing my ukulele and reading music and trying to fill in the gaps that everyone else can _just hear_ I’d... lose that.”

The two walked on in silence for a time longer. When the alarm went off, Connie silenced it and handed the phone back to Steven, but he didn’t seem to want to raise a new subject quite yet. As they were getting near their destination, Connie put a hand on Steven’s shoulder to get his attention.

“I kinda get it, actually. I’m not anywhere near as good as the others at this whole Crystal Gem thing and… I might never be. I’m human, or half-human, anyway. The gems don’t need to sleep or breathe and they’re fast and strong and if something hurts them, like really hurts them, they just go poof and then come back a while later. It’s happened to Lapis a few times over the years.”

Steven reached up and gave Connie’s hand a comforting squeeze. She smiled, if a touch weakly, and pressed on. “I’m… excited that I’m going on missions with the gems but I’m a little scared too. More than a little scared, if I’m being honest. Because it’s not like the stories, Steven. Things go wrong. People get angry. I… I’ve failed before and made everything worse. For everybody. But if I ever turned down a mission, I’m worried I’d lose what little momentum I’ve gained. I don’t know what I’m capable of. Actually, I’ve recently learned that quite literally no one does. But I’ll never get there if I don’t keep working at it, even if it is hard and scary.”

More heavy silence between the pair. Then Steven wiggled his ears and looked at Connie expectantly. Connie cracked a small smile, reaching up to wiggle her ears as well since she lacked Steven’s ability to do it hands-free. The two then reached forward and wiggled the other’s nose, a sign they’d invented that meant they understood one another and would help the other out.

* * *

By silent, mutual agreement, the pair had moved on to lighter subjects.

“Well I’m glad your outing was exciting,” Connie said.

“It was nothing compared to yours though!” Steven said, eyes lighting up. “Fighting a giant shadow demon and everything! Saving Sour Cream and his friends! That’s amazing!”

Connie blushed as she stammered out her reply. “I--I mean it wasn’t _really_ a fight. I sort of took over a chore my mom had left undone for, well, my whole life. Like cleaning out a room… only the room was insistent and full of madness.”

Steven tapped his chin in thought. “I’m pretty sure there’s a John Cusak movie like that. Anyway, it’s still pretty great,” Steven said. “It’s just like something Lisa would do.”

Connie’s smile faltered for a moment as she let out a groan.

“I don’t even want to think about Lisa right now.”

“Huh? What? Why?”

“I read that new book and ...” she sighed. “Let’s just say it was worse than the SyFi Original Movie of the first book.”

Steven gasped in horror. “ _No._ Why?”

“Well, it was fine in places but it really starts taking liberties in the middle. We can talk about it more when you finish your copy, I guess. In fact I shouldn’t be prejudicing you like this before you catch up, it’s just been annoying me so much and... oh wait. I think we’re here, so I’ll just leave it at that.”

Connie stepped a little ways off the road and into the forest beyond. She looked around and found the oversized paw marks she’d been looking for and summoned a large horizontal field. Her backpack was looking a little ratty after all of the supernatural exploits it had been dragged through but it held the heavy sack of dog food admirably.

She got the bag of _Yupper Pupper_ brand dog chow open and, with a heave, dumped the contents over the hovering barrier. “Okay...” Connie said, “Do you think that’s enough for a giant wolf?”

“I think so,” Steven said as he walked to her side. He slung his cheeseburger backpack on the ground and started shuffling through it. “I did bring a few extra things too. Hmm, was that in the patty divider? No, maybe in the cheese?”

“More jerky?”

“Nah, I was worried maybe he’d get tired of that, so I had some other ideas… Ah, here we go, in-between the lettuce and the tomato, of course!” and Steven pulled out a ziplock baggie filled with bacon.

“Bacon?” Connie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I mean, think about it… the Big Bad Wolf wanted to eat pigs, right?” Steven said, grinning.

Connie chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true. Though to be clear, Wolf may be big, but he isn’t bad. He helped me out.” She sighed. “I wish I could do something else to thank him.”

“Hmm, yeah…” Steven thought while he shook out the strips of pork over the pile of magically supported dog food. “Oh, maybe we should buy him some toys!”

“Toys?”

“Yeah, you know, like a squeaky toy or something! Dogs love squeaky toys.”

Connie nodded slowly. “I… guess that’s true. I mean, a wolf isn’t _that_ different from a dog…”

“It’d be AWESOME! We could get him a squeaky ball or a hot dog or something like that! You want to go out and look for some today?” Steven said, smiling hopefully.

Connie returned the smile, but shook her head.

“No… I mean, I’d like to, but the gems and I have a mission today.”

“What kind of mission?” Steven asked.

"Well..." began Connie.

* * *

The rain outside (and the lack of a Lapis to negate or divert it) meant outdoor weapon training was cancelled. After Doug had sent Peridot a polite email explaining about roaming charges and international data rates, the usual work-around of warping somewhere sunny had been nixed, at least when Connie still wanted to be reachable via her cellphone.

So today Jasper was instructing Connie on intermediate saber drills in the living room, with all the furniture pushed to the margins. "Good. Focus on speed. Precision. For now you're going to be fighting a lot of foes who are stronger than you. Don't allow the enemy their advantage; make them fight to yours. All Quartzes are built for fighting, but Citrines are built for winning. Be decisive. Be ruthless."

Connie nodded and squared off against her opponent, a crude but hulking exoskeleton made from the castoff animatronics of a defunct pizza restaurant. In the center of the torso the robonoid Doris peered out of their control chamber, operating levers and switches that allowed the diminutive bot to pilot the contraption.

Peridot had claimed the anthropomorphic bear’s bowtie and undersized top hat were left on to house sensor hardware, but Connie suspected it was just the gem’s soft spot for accessories shining through.

They'd originally let Daneel pilot the training surrogate but less than a minute into a spar it became clear that the Three Laws-bound opponent was swinging its blunted training sword only where it could in no conceivable way impact Connie. In contrast, Doris seemed to revel in being larger than someone and was a much more engaging opponent.

Two blows into the skirmish and Peridot bolted out of the temple door ("Make a path!") and ran straight for the bathroom while one of her limb enhancers was emitting a 'woop-woop' warning klaxon.

Connie, distracted, turned to watch the spectacle. She would have received a training sword upside the head from the ever-opportunistic Doris had Jasper not blocked the weapon with one large arm then shot a warning glare at the robonoid within.

"Focus, squirt. You take your eye off the opponent and they’ll make you sorry for it. Last time you let Peridot distract you, it was just against a centipeetle spawn. The next one will probably be more dangerous."

Connie gave an apologetic bow towards Jasper and stammered out, "S-Sorry." She got back into her fighting stance once more and said, "I won't let it happen again. I'm ready."

Two more blows into the skirmish and there was a sound of running water followed by the bathroom door flying open. "Stars! It's happening again!" exclaimed Peridot, her limb enhancer still making its 'woop-woop' sound.

Doris, turning the exoskeleton to face its distressed creator, received a training sword upside the head, causing the hit light on the training surrogate to come on.

Jasper gave an approving nod then dismissed the match with a gesture. "What's happening, Peridot?" said the large gem, managing to be Peridot’s polar opposite in terms of visible excitement.

"The Sea Shrine laboratory is phasing in with our reality once more. We need to get the exotic particle sensors set up onsite as soon as possible."

Connie and Doris shared a look, the latter twiddling some controls to make the training surrogate shrug.

Jasper nodded and turned to Connie and mecha-Doris. "We'll practice more later. Pack up the training gear." With that, Jasper pivoted and walked through the temple door.

Doris, showcasing considerable skill at piloting the exoskeleton, made the mecha droop at the shoulders and give a dejected kick before reluctantly tidying the area.

Connie, however, faced Peridot, her expression quizzical. "Hey, uh, mind telling me what... any of that means?"

Peridot disabled the warning klaxon and turned to address her pupil. "The Sea Shrine contained a campus set up by Homeworld for research and development. A particular laboratory was working on dimensional bridging tech and, it is speculated, suffered a mishap during a critical experiment thereby causing it to become disjointed from our reality."

Connie's eyes went wide. "Whoa. What kind of accident does that?"

Jasper, who was hauling a refrigerator-sized device out of the temple door and over to the warp pad, said matter-of-factly, "Lapis sank the continent it was on."

"Accidentally," Peridot was quick to add. "Anyway, the Sea Shrine Lab is a prime candidate for salvage. There are a number of devices that look like hourglasses; it is speculated that one or more of them is a functional prototype of the bridging tech they were working on prior to the... mishap. However, despite the prize such a device would represent, disturbing the hourglasses seems to expedite the lab's dimensional decoupling; consider your options carefully and only grab one. Our primary objective will be the salvage of the lab's less... exotic contents: well-preserved devices and materials that are exceedingly hard to come by on Earth."

Peridot continued her lecture, saying, "Even though time and space can be a little… irregular within its confines, the Sea Shrine has proven sufficiently safe. It’s rare but if touching some of the tech causes a… localized reaction, just stay calm and don’t get involved,” she finished looking at Connie a little apprehensively.

“Um… okay, ma’am,” said Connie, a little unsure what exactly she was agreeing to do. "Just so I'm clear, you, YOU, are letting me visit an abandoned research facility on the bottom of the ocean that systematically floods and then vanishes from this reality entirely."

“I understand this sounds irregular, but we have been pulling salvage from this location for centuries and, certain peculiarities aside, it’s safer than many other destinations you’ve accompanied us to. The flooding begins as very visible leaks that slowly build as the walls discorporate, at which point it becomes a violent flood. We’ll have you out of there long before it reaches that level; maintaining accurate awareness of the reality decoupling is the precise reason Jasper and I are erecting this sensor suite,” and she gestured to the hardware Jasper was piling up on the warp pad behind them.

Pulling up a holographic display, the technician confirmed something then said, “Now, it will still be a couple of hours before the lab has phased back fully and replaced the flooded interior with breathable atmosphere. Jasper and I will be busy making preparations, many of which involve moving around on the ocean floor, so I'm afraid you'll need to occupy yourself for a few hours yet.” 

Pulling up another holographic display that looked kind of like a shopping list, Peridot chirped, “Oh, this is exciting! These convergences happen so rarely but they bring such a material windfall."

Deadpan, Connie replied, "It's good tech, huh?"

"Such good tech!"

* * *

"...The lab should be phased in soon so I'll need to head back," finished Connie.

In response, Steven mouthed 'The coolest' at her, a two-word phrase meant to encompass the whole of Connie's life of adventure.

Connie shook her head, smiling. "You say that but by all accounts this should just be me grabbing ancient office supplies from a musty old lab. No monsters or traps or personal crises this time."

Steven nodded his head. "That's true. And then, when you get back and it turns out you had to face all of those things, you can tell me all about it. I'm like the mild mannered photographer Peter Parker who keeps track of the exploits of The Amazing Spiderman... but without us being the same person... Hmm, maybe Lois Lane to your Superman? Anyway, I made sure to get lots of extra glitter at the craft store just in case the power diary needs to be updated again," he said, looking at her hopefully.

"Don't get your hopes up, Lois," said Connie with a chuckle. "Anyway, it's your turn," she said, gesturing to the phone in the boy's hand.

Accepting the topic change gracefully, Steven started the timer and said, "Did I tell you that Jeff and me are making a comic together?"

* * *

The warp chimed, and Peridot used her tractor beam to lower Connie gently to the floor of the pad, the girl having gotten discombobulated traveling in the warp stream.

"Remember," said the Green gem, "Be fast and efficient. Choose an hourglass, grab any of the materials or components I detailed previously, and as soon as the leaks begin, return to the warp pad. Jasper and I will soon be focusing on bulk items as well as ones that have strict containment needs if they’re to be brought into the temple. As such we may be indisposed. Be cautious.”

"Yes ma'am. Understood," answered Connie. 

With that the three fanned out, Peridot already muttering excitedly and heaping loose cables and exotic alloys into her tractor beam.

"What do you think the hourglass will look like, ma'am?" asked Connie a few rows over, looking at the bewildering array of options.

"Ooh! I ran out of unobtainium centuries ago! This will- Huh? No one knows for certain, but I would assume it'll be amazing, brilliant, a marvel of technology and craftsmanship."

Jasper rolled her eyes and went back to her current dilemma: the pretty blue hourglass or the large yellow one... both looked so alluring.

Minutes passed and the distant chiming of the warp pad meant Jasper and Peridot had taken away their first haul of salvage. Connie was looking along the shelves, having reached an area that opened up into a larger space, when she stopped.

 _Oh, that one's cute and so tiny! Also, it looks kind of like the time-turner from_ Hermione Granger and The Prisoner of Azkaban. _The series may have been part of the rush to capitalize on_ The Spirit Morph Saga's _success, but it had the coolest necklace._

Connie plucked up the item and-

The was a flash and then a voice shouted out, "Connie! I made a mistake! You have to- agh!"

Connie whirled around, drawing the saber she'd started wearing on her hip during missions. What she saw was… a Connie dressed just like she was, her hair the same too if you discounted the mussing it’d received. She was grappling with another Connie who was dressed in a yellow long-sleeved shirt and jeans and wasn't wearing glasses. The similarly-dressed Connie had been on top of the grapple but was in the process of being thrown by the Connie in yellow whose body was toned in a way Connie knew hers wasn’t.

The strangeness of the scene was enough to make Connie freeze, in shock, in confusion... all save for that irrepressible corner of her which thought, _Is THAT what I sound like?_

The similar Connie landed in a heap as the toned, glasses-free Connie used the throw's momentum to roll over and pop into a fighting stance. "Don't listen to her! She's nuts. She came to my home, attacked me, attacked _Steven!_ Help me stop her!"

Eventually Connie's brain grew tired of saying, _'reality exception error: please reboot the universe'_ and just accepted this bizarre new phenomenon as really happening. With that, Connie thought back to the code phrase she'd decided on years ago after watching so much _Star Trek_ in the otherwise empty Beach House. It was something she'd never told anyone, something that would allow her to distinguish between a doppelganger and a future- or alternate timeline-version of herself.

 _Because I really was that bored and friendless back then,_ observed that snarky corner of her.

"There's a phrase that only-"

"Recognition code 927, I am a potato!" yelled both of the Connies in unison.

 _Apparently I wasn't bored and friendless enough since I never planned for_ this.

"Connie, she's twisted! Evil! If she's allowed to get a time-turner then who knows what damage she'd do?!," said similar Connie.

"Evil?! You're the one trying to erase me from existence! I've done nothing but help people. You saw a Connie who was a better Crystal Gem than you and you got scared," replied the toned Connie.

"You're scary! Like, 'cracked mirror', 'the monster was me all along' scary," replied the similar Connie.

"Says you!" The toned Connie turned back to face Connie. "This crazy Connie came into my home pretending to be friendly, talked me into revealing what I could do with my powers, and not only is she deranged enough to think she has the right to judge me unfit to _exist,_ she has the gall to come running to you for help since she’s too afraid to do it herself."

 _Alright, this is getting ridiculous_ , observed that noisy corner of Connie's mind. _Similar-Connie, I henceforth dub thee Sconnie. Toned-Connie, you shall now be known as Tonnie._

"You chased me down and tackled me!" accused Sconnie.

"You're trying to erase me from existence! That warrants a tackling," was Tonnie’s acerbic reply.

Watching films and reading books, Connie would always feel the urge to shout at the characters facing a duplicate dilemma because there were always a dozen obvious things they could say or do to resolve the situation. Sometimes while reading alone in her spot by the cliff she actually would yell at them. But here, experiencing the problem herself, she found herself utterly at a loss for ideas.

 _I'm beside myself with confusion right now,_ came the inner quip.

"Connie, if you smash the hourglass then- yow!" but Sconnie was shocked in both senses of the word by a tiny bolt of electricity that leapt from Tonnie's outstretched fingertips.

"Connie, I'll make this easy. You don't listen to her, I'll take her down, then we can all go back to the Beach House and sort this out," said Tonnie as she rounded on her opponent.

 _That… sounds pretty reasonable actually._ "Uh, hey Connie who's dressed like me? What if we just did that but, uh, minus the Connie brawl? Fighting in a ruin on the bottom of the ocean seems like a really bad idea."

"No! If she had that much time she'd... she'd change you! You didn't see it, but she- Yow! STOP THAT!" shouted Sconnie as another bolt of electricity struck home.

"You stop!" shouted Tonnie. 

"Both of you stop!" shouted Connie.

"You're not helping!" shouted both Connies in response.

 _I think I have a lot of self-loathing,_ came the relentless inner commentary.

"Oh, I know! Hey Connie," said Tonnie, "What'd you think of _The Cursed Scion?"_

"Yeah! The ultimate Connie test! Specifically the middle part, with the Statue of Limitations," added Sconnie.

_Talk about a jury of your peers._

"Oh," said Connie. "I thought it was awful. Totally out of character for Lisa. Plus, good writing should foreshadow stuff well in advance and build up to its big set pieces; that statue was introduced, like, two paragraphs before Lisa and Archie went on their MacGuffin hunt."

"YES! My thoughts exactly!" // "What?! That is so completely wrong!" said Sconnie and Tonnie over one another.

Connie looked at Tonnie disbelieving. "Really?! You _liked_ that part of the plot?"

Tonnie was quick to reply, "Yeah. It allowed Lisa to reach a level of self-actualization not usually afforded to heroes of the genre. Plus it was a tidy bit of writing in that it allowed Lisa to rise to meet a genuine threat while retaining the piece's sense of urgency ALL while keeping the source of the resolution inherent to Lisa. I mean, it's not like she had to rely on a recovered magical weapon or a one-off ritual or something to..." but trailed off when she saw that neither Connie looked convinced.

Tonnie pointed accusingly at Sconnie. "More of your trickery! You brought us to a Connie just like you. She's even dressed the same! Give me that time-turner or I'll take it by force."

Stretching her arm out, Tonnie grasped the air and... was holding her sword. _The Sword_. It shone a soft yellow light and there were faint crackles of electricity up and down the length of the blade.

"Whoooa..." said Connie, eyes wide as she experienced a rush of yearning.

Sconnie, meanwhile, yelped, hastily drew the mundane saber she was carrying, and assumed a defensive stance. "I don’t want to fight you but… I- I can't let you have it."

“I wouldn’t want to fight me either!” shouted Tonnie as she stepped forward and made a hard, horizontal swipe with her gem weapon. Sconnie brought her blade up to deflect and came away with... a saber that was two inches shorter.

Tonnie made another swipe which Sconnie leapt back from, but Tonnie then lunged forward, the blow blocked only by the force field that Sconnie had thrown up at the last second.

Tonnie, unable to move out of the way, turned sideways and absorbed the impact of her collision with her shoulder. Sconnie ran to the side and took a swipe at Tonnie, but she was able to parry the blows, each time cutting a small notch out of Sconnie's saber in the exchange.

Sconnie began a fighting retreat, only staying ahead of Tonnie's attack by conjuring another field. And then another.

"Uh oh, three fields. That's when I start feeling a little distracted. Having a hard time focusing?" taunted Tonnie as she moved around the barrier, her back partially blocking Sconnie from Connie's sight.

"No, I'm just setting up the other Connie, the sane Connie, to whack you from behind," said Sconnie grinning.

Tonnie whipped around in a hurry and saw Connie standing across the room, right where she'd been the whole time. Connie and Tonnie shared a brief, puzzled look... before a hastily thrown block of some alloy hit Tonnie hard in the back of her sword arm.

Tonnie screamed in pain. The sword fell from her grip and dissolved into motes of light. Connie was almost moved to tears just seeing the sword she'd thought about daily for five months now vanish once more.

With a yell, Sconnie gave chase to Tonnie. “Ha! Jasper said not to allow myself to get distracted. I guess power really isn’t everything!”

Tonnie threw herself into a sideways roll, popped up, then hauled down a cul de sac and walled herself in with force fields to evade her pursuer.

Her foe trapped, Sconnie turned to Connie, panting but triumphant. She withdrew the twin to Connie's time-turner from her pocket, crouched down, then rolled it across the floor to her. "There. Now she can't take it from me. Trust me on this: she's-"

Tonnie meanwhile had summoned a sword for her uninjured arm. Then, with a look, she banished the fields she'd conjured.

Maybe it was the reflection of the light given off by the gem weapon. Maybe it was the look of surprise on Connie's face. Either way, Sconnie managed to lunge sideways at the last second, turning the downward slash at Sconnie’s neck into a rake across her left arm instead.

Sconnie landed on the ground, hard, tears stinging her eyes, a long flesh wound running down her arm. The scabbard for her sword had been cut loose in the blow and her saber fell to the floor. Though the wound looked to be mostly cauterized, there were still places where she was bleeding freely.

Tonnie walked slowly towards her downed foe, kicking the heavily-notched saber far across the room, while speaking loudly to Connie. "She’s wrong! She’s just trying to keep you scared like her! Is that what you want? To always be scared?!"

She stomped down on Sconnie's shoulder.

“I--”

Stomp. Sconnie yelled in pain.

“Am not--”

Stomp.

“Going to be a scared little child again!”

Tonnie made her way towards Connie, holding her injured hand out. “Just give it to me. Then I won't have to hurt anyone.”

Connie, finally finding the words, stammered out. “She looks pretty hurt...”

Tonnie glared. She clenched her fist.

“Just do what I say or--”

“NO!” Sconnie pushed up from the floor, staggering on her feet. Her wounded arm pulled in tight against her chest, her glasses forgotten at her feet, there was a flicker of light and she drew her sword with the other.

She looked just as stunned as Connie herself, elation giving way to a look of grim determination.

A growl of frustration rose from Tonnie's throat. "I didn't realize before I was this self-loathing," quipped Tonnie.

"My inner critic made that joke minutes ago," came Sconnie's reply as the two slashed at one another.

Each parry made a loud pop. Soon the air was ringing with the sounds of their battle.

_I should really stop beating myself up over this._

Twice Sconnie's blows were blocked by a field that was subsequently banished and then attacked through by Tonnie. Sconnie’s expressions swung several times between stalwart determination and scarcely contained panic, but she met Tonnie blow for blow.

Sconnie’s wounds were beginning to tell. Twice she staggered, narrowly avoiding her opponent’s sword. The third proved to be a feint: Tonnie struck forward overreaching, then Sconnie charged into her guard and checked her hard with her shoulder.

Tonnie staggered back, then slipped on a fragment of hacked off saber blade. Sconnie moved to close but Tonnie planted a desperate kick on Sconnie’s wounded arm before scrambling back. Sconnie gave a cry and faltered from the pain.

On her feet once more, Tonnie drew herself up tall and shouted, "Enough! I'm ending this!" The sword dropped from her hand, vanishing, and she suddenly grew translucent, sparkly. She was glaring daggers at Sconnie.

Sconnie tried to prod Tonnie in the shoulder with her sword and met no more resistance than if she were poking the air. She turned and shared a brief, puzzled look with Connie... before dropping to her knees, her sword falling from her nerveless fingers, clutching her head, and screaming in abject terror.

With a smirk, Tonnie stepped around and behind her opponent soundlessly, her arm not so much passing through Sconnie's neck as flowing around it like a heat distortion. Becoming opaque once more, Tonnie had Sconnie in a sleeper hold, the arm at her throat choking out the latter's scream.

_Nope! This is one thousand percent Dark Side of the Force stuff here. She even has bite-sized Sith-Lightning._

"No!" Connie cried aloud. She raised the original time-turner above her head.

Tonnie glanced over and saw this. She immediately dropped Sconnie as her eyes went wide.

“What? No no, don’t! Don’t--”

But before she could finish, Connie brought her hand down and smashed it against the floor.

Tonnie stared with her mouth agape, Sconnie released and forgotten. All of Tonnie’s previous ferocity vanished, showing a face Connie had seen reflected in Lapis' eyes atop the Lunar Sea Spire: a Connie deathly afraid and utterly helpless.

“No...” Tonnie whispered. “No.”

With that, she began to vanish in sparkles of dust and light. She was sobbing until the moment she dissipated completely.

Sconnie coughed and blubbered for a moment, all while her gemstone glowed a dull yellow. Blood was still running down her slashed arm, dripping off her fingers, and pooling on the floor. 

As the dull light of her gem faded, Sconnie regained her composure and looked directly at Connie, eyes sad but deadly serious.

"Connie. We... We can be scary. S-So, _so scary!_ A-And we won't even recognize it. She didn't. Don't," and she made a hiss of pain before continuing, "Don't let that happen. Please. Please!"

Connie stared wide-eyed at her doomed doppelganger. "I-I won't," she said on the verge of tears herself. She felt the weight of Sconnie's time-turner vanish from her pocket.

Sconnie nodded, acceptance mingling with fear in her eyes. As she started to crumble she went wide-eyed and grabbed Connie by the overall straps. It was all Connie could do not to scream over Sconnie's words.

"Keep Steven safe! Whatever happens, he shouldn't suffer for this," Sconnie cried out.

"Steven? Safe f-from what?"

Sconnie shouted though her voice was no louder than a whisper as she came apart. "Keep him safe... from... _us!"_

Like the other, she vanished into sparkles of dust and light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next week for the story of the Connie who _did_ use her hourglass.
> 
> Also, while it is widely known that MJStudioArts is a skilled artist, she isn't the only one the Team. The picture of the Connies sword fighting was actually a joint creation by MJ and BurdenKing. BurdenKing's solo style doesn't match the SU aesthetic so well as MJ's but we have plans for their work making it into the fic when specific situations allow it.
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	2. The Road Not Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two new chapters in one day?! Yes, the combined tale of Sconnie's adventure has been broken up into two chapters due to length, but both are going up today: it just seemed mean to leave everyone wondering how all of this concludes for yet another week.
> 
> We are having some difficulties wrangling the art for these chapters, but if/when the art is ready and added in after the fact, there'll be an announcement made so everyone will know to go back and check it out.

\--- Timeline #1---

_Oh, that one's cute and so tiny! Also, it looks kind of like the time-turner from_ Hermione Granger and The Prisoner of Azkaban. _The series may have been part of the rush to capitalize on The Spirit Morph Saga's success, but it had the coolest necklace._

Connie plucked up the item and-

-nothing much happened. Connie could make out the sound of water dripping somewhere within the lab. 

_I guess that means I need to make my way back to the warp pad. Weird; I kinda expected something strange to happen._

With a shrug, Connie pocketed her cute little time-turner, gathered up a few more items from the list Peridot had given her, and used the warp whistle she'd been given to beam back home.

She even managed to land mostly on her feet this time.

* * *

In preparation for the trip, Peridot had erected a wide above ground pool that surrounded the warp pad. A hole had been cut in the middle to keep the pool's floor from covering the warp crystal itself, the edges of the floor material taped into place against the platform to form a watertight seal. 

Despite the semi-regular calamities that befell the Beach House, Peridot never stopped trying to protect its hardwood floor.

Connie had been sitting at the kitchen counter, enjoying a sandwich and idly kicking her feet against the kitchen divider when there was a chime, a rush of water, and then a drenched Peridot and Jasper were standing on the warp pad. 

Given the waist-high pool wall, the body of standing water, and the warp pad crystal rising up in the middle, the whole thing looked a little like a convention-defying castle that had its moat on the _inside_ of the walls.

Jasper, all but hidden behind the towering stack of _stuff_ piled up in her arms, twisted sideways and mumbled something, water spilling out of her mouth.

Water was running off Peridot's hair in rivulets as it rapidly reacquired its default, swept-up-and-tripartite shape. "What was that? Your vocalizations were muddled by a larynx full of sea water."

Jasper cleared her throat in a rather more literal use of the phrase than usual. Finishing with a a wet cough, she tried again. "I said, you've got a lobster on your butt."

“Huh? Aaah!” shrieked Peridot while Jasper laughed heartily.

After removing the lobster gripping tenaciously to Peridot's backside, Peridot confirmed that the lab had flooded a little under half an hour after Connie left, with the whole place in the process of vanishing right this moment.

Jasper made two trips and transferred everything to Peridot's room while the technician flitted about, visibly excited to assess the state of the salvage.

Performing a perfunctory scan over the hourglass each person had retrieved, Peridot announced that none of them showed any signs of tachyon activity, declared them all duds fit only for keepsakes, and then hurried off to her room, giggling all the way.

Gingerly Jasper picked a few crabs and the lobster out of the pool, chuckling as the crustaceans pinched ineffectively at her large fingers. "I'm taking these back. Then I'm going on patrol."

Connie waved goodbye as the warrior vanished in a pillar of light.

* * *

Connie was reading on the couch but her heart wasn't in it. Her visit with Steven had been pleasant, if a little aimless given how little had happened on the mission. Peridot hadn't emerged from the temple and Jasper was still off on patrol.

The tang of brine tickled her nose. With a resigned sigh, Connie marked her place and closed the book, then walked over to the pool.

_It's not like I can really drain it. I mean, I could empty buckets over the balcony, I suppose, but it'd take hours. If Lapis were here…_

_If Lapis were here we'd probably be having a pool party inside the Beach House. Then we'd make a donut run, Lapis would fly me up to the top of the water tower, and we'd make up constellations. If it wasn't a clear night then we'd watch_ Under The Knife _together. Then Lapis would sneak me into Peridot's room and we'd try on outfits from a hundred years ago. Finally Lady Connaline and the Duchess of Lazuli would make a social call on Peridot, giving her the sour candies we bought earlier and talking in silly accents until she chased us out._

Connie didn't realize she was tearing up until she was already moving to wipe away her tears.

_She's been gone for two-and-a-half months. If you add in the two weeks she was gone after... after I failed at the Lunar Sea Spire back in mid-October, then she's been gone three of the last four months._

As had been the case some nights since New Years, Connie tromped up the stairs to her loft and splayed out on top of her bed feeling listless and... blue.

With a grunt, Connie removed from her pocket the time-turner that was pinned against the mattress, poking her uncomfortably. She flopped over onto her back and held it aloft, examining the cute little dud while her thoughts wandered.

* * *

_“No! Put the statue in its place! You can still save everything!” Lapis yelled out. “Connie! Connie, you can do this! PLEASE!” she begged._

* * *

Connie shook her head to banish the unwanted memory. She glanced down at her gemstone to confirm that these feelings were authentic and not a result of the Nightmare Monster making a house call.

Seeing that her gem was matte, Connie mumbled aloud, "I wonder what would have happened if I had listened to Lapis? If things had turned out better?"

The hourglass spun inside the sphere containing it and it slowly began to light up. Sand began to flow backwards, from the base up into the empty top of the hourglass, and a high-pitched hum sang out.

"Whoa! Umm... Peridot? Jasper! I don't think this was such a-"

**BAMF**

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

"-dud!" said Connie as her eyes reported a blinding light, her ears reported the sound of surf and gulls, and she felt something hard and wooden beneath her rather than the mattress she had just been atop.

After a moment her eyes adjusted and she realized she was sitting on the porch of the Beach House. It was sunny, but it was cold and windy out.

Her pocket chimed.

Pulling her phone out, the display read, 'Date/Time Updated.' That wasn't all that unusual: back when she still brought her cell phone with her during warp pad travel, the device would learn that the local time had become something very different and adjust accordingly. What _was_ unusual was the rest of the date.

_11:02am, January 11th?! That's the day I followed Peridot to the Kindergarten. Whaaat is going on here?_

Holding the time-turner in what she hoped was the same position, Connie said uncertainly, "Um. I wish I was back where and when I was before. Please?"

Spin. Sand flowing down into the base. Hum.

**BAMF**

Steven opened the door of the Beach House and looked around. His collar was askew and his cheeks were a little flushed. He fiddled with his hearing aid, shrugged, and closed the door.

* * *

\--- Timeline #1---

**BAMF**

Connie was back on her bed. A moment later her phone informed her it was 8:57pm on February 15th.

Connie popped up, ran down the stairs of her loft, sprinted over and hammered on the temple door. "Peridooot! MA'AM! IT'S NOT A DUD!"

Unfortunately, without either Lapis or Jasper around to open the door and with Peridot reveling in her cornucopia of salvage, the chances of Connie getting the technician’s attention were slim to none.

Connie stood outside the temple door and pondered her situation aloud. “Okay, adult supervision is out. Time to pack for a solo mission. I’ll need my backpack with supplies and a change of clothes, a notebook with important dates catalogued, a childhood picture I can look at to make sure I haven’t prevented my parents from meeting, and my sword. Oh! And a permanent marker so I can label any time clones if there get to be too many of them.”

Connie considered this for a moment. “Oddly enough, traveling across dimensions is less demanding than going camping.”

After assembling her things, Connie shouldered her backpack, stood in the middle of the living room, stole a quick glance at the clock (9:20pm), held the time-turner aloft and said, “Back to the place I just left, where I didn’t mess up the Lunar Sea Spire mission and things are better.”

Spin. Sand flowing up into the top. Hum.

**BAMF**

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

Connie reappeared on the Beach House porch during a bright, if chilly, day and pocketed the time-turner. A moment passed followed by a chime from her phone.

 _11:04am. Huh, so this IS time travel and not hopping between parallel universes. Well, not_ just _hopping between parallel universes given that my time spent packing at home didn’t change my arrival time here. The hourglass motif probably should have been my first clue,_ she thought wryly to herself.

With a shrug, Connie approached the door and listened. She heard muffled voices from the loft area. The house otherwise seemed quiet. Taking a breath and squaring her shoulders, Connie reached forward and knocked on the door.

There was a pause in the conversation followed by the thumps of people shuffling around at loft-height. More muffled voices and then another pause.

_What’s going on in there? Maybe this was a bad idea._

A few seconds later and Connie heard the sound of someone descending the loft steps.

_This is it: cross-dimensional first contact. Maybe? Now that I think about it, how would I even know if I were the first one? Maybe they get six Connies a day here, each wanting to know what it’s like to not have screwed up this or that mission. Is me being a bad Crystal Gem some kind of multiversal constant? Maybe they’ll answer the door and say-_

“Oh, hi Connie,” said Steven.

Steven blinked. “Wait a minute,” and he ducked his head back inside the house. “Connie? Is this some new power of yours? Because I’m pretty sure I’m out of glitter.”

A voice that sounded both familiar and not at the same time answered from inside, “What do you mean? I’m not using any power right now. Who’s at the door?”

While parts of Connie were still reeling from the situation, an irrepressible corner of her thought, _Is THAT what I sound like?_

Steven looked at Connie once more. “Um, you are.”

Finally prodding herself to action, Connie gave a weak smile and said, “Hi. This, uh, this is gonna seem really weird. Well, I assume it is. Uh, anyway, I’m Connie but I’m from, like, a month in the future, but, an alternate future?” she finished, pitching her voice up into a question at the end.

There was a moment of silence followed by, “Step aside,” which Steven did.

A Connie without glasses walked down the stairs. She was wearing jeans and a long sleeved yellow shirt that showed a line of midriff below and a familiar yellow gemstone above. She was fit, toned, with a hint of muscle definition Connie knew she didn’t have. Her hair was longer too.

Her lips and cheeks looked a little flushed for some reason.

The pair stared at each other for a moment.

_Alright, before this gets ridiculous, observed that noisy corner of Connie's mind, you’re presumably a Connie from an alternate past whose timeline followed a different continuity. I henceforth dub thee RetConnie._

RetConnie broke the silence first. “How do I know you’re really me? What’s the phrase I had for a possible doppelganger vesus alternate self situation?”

Connie’s eyes went wide in recollection. “Oh! Recognition Code 927, I am a potato!” she exclaimed.

“This is so cool!” cried RetConnie before looking at Connie warily. “You’re not here to try and replace me or take one of my family back to your dimension, are you?” Her eyes glanced down to the sword on Connie’s hip and back.

Connie held up her hands, palms out. “No! No, nothing like that. I got this ancient hourglass thingie and I accidentally found out it could take me here after I was wondering about if my life had gone differently. I just want to ask you some questions, I guess. If that’s okay?”

RetConnie smiled back widely, at ease once more. “Yeah! Come in! I imagine you know your way around the place.”

Connie smiled then paused on the threshold. “Uh, is this sword of mine going to be a problem?” She _was_ still technically on a mission and should keep it on, but-

RetConnie glanced at it then gave her a bemused look. “Why would it? Anyway, Steven, please take, uh, Connie’s backpack for her and help her feel welcome.”

Steven, who had been studying RetConnie’s expression, flashed his thousand watt smile, took Connie’s pack, led her to the couch, then bustled about gathering food and drinks and generally being an aggressively attentive host. “Oh my gosh, this is so neat! I mean, coming over to Connie’s house is always neat but this is, like, double neat! Do you have a DeLorean? Can it fly? Are you allowed to drive in your dimension? Does it, like, rain donuts in your Beach City? Oh, you’re not here to stop a being from the future from trying to attack Connie are you? Terminator or Cell Saga: both would be bad. Actually-”

“Steven!” interrupted both Connies, who shared a look and then laughed.

“Oh, sorry,” said Steven, chuckling too as he set a platter of refreshments down. Carefully arranging the bendy straws in each drink, he then handed one to Connie, who was sitting in the back corner of the couch favored by Peridot, and RetConnie, who was seated at the far end of the couch in the spot favored by Jasper.

“To answer your questions,” said Connie, “no I don’t have a car, nor can I drive one. Um, there’s no one from the future trying to destroy you; it’s just me. What was the other one? Oh, donuts come from the Big Donut and the only time it’s ever rained them was when Lapis was flying back with about six dozen but she accidentally flew into a flock of seagulls. Then a bunch of them fell all over the roof and porch, which-”

RetConnie cut in, finishing the sentence with, “-just attracted more gulls! Peridot tried to get Gort to scare them off but his laser wasn’t calibrated right and caught some of the porch on fire. Lapis was too busy fighting some gulls for the last box-”

Connie picked the thread back up. “-and when Wally tried to use the fire extinguisher it just blasted him backwards across the Beach House. Peridot tried to get Lapis’ attention and frighten the birds away with an alarm from her limb enhancer, which annoyed Jasper so much-”

“-she tore the porch in two and threw the burning part into the ocean! Peridot was so upset she spent the next week installing and testing the fire suppression system,” finished RetConnie gesturing overhead before the pair devolved into peals of laughter.

Steven, who had taken a seat on the floor in front of where RetConnie was sitting on the couch, shook his head. “You two are weird,” he said, a grin plastered on his face.

RetConnie started running her fingers through Steven’s hair and said, “I know you like it.”

Steven blushed slightly. “Yeah…”

 _Whaaat is this?,_ thought Connie. Outwardly, she coughed into her fist and said, “Uh, speaking of weird, Connie, did you happen to succeed when you were at the Lunar Sea Spire?”

RetConnie was still playing with Steven’s hair as she answered. “Yeah, it was awesome!”

Connie felt the weight of the time-turner in her pocket. _I have to know. I mean, why even come if I don’t ask?_

“This might seem a little odd but… when you were up on the Spire and everything was crumbling, with Peridot yelling for you to run to safety and Lapis begging for you to charge ahead… what were you thinking about?” asked Connie in a quiet voice, her arms pulled in tight against her body.

RetConnie considered this for a moment. “It was hard. I felt like I was being pulled in both directions equally, like the rope in a tug-of-war stalemate. Then Jasper shouted at me, not telling me how to act, just forcing me into action. And I did. I ran forward. I put the statue on the dias and saved the Spire.”

_That’s it. That’s the difference. She ran forward... I ran back._

Connie’s stomach sank. Her limbs felt leaden. She licked her lips, drew a breath and asked, “Did your Lapis run away or anything?”

RetConnie looked at her funny. “No. She and Peridot had a fight afterwards about me being reckless but I was ultimately able to help them work past it. Now they’re doing whatever the gem-version of dating is. They’re off at a convention in Toronto right now because some of the old Camp Pining Hearts actors are doing a panel there. Peridot brought a script she’s going to try to get them to read.”

Connie rolled her eyes, seizing on this silly, familiar ground to help pull her out of the emotional morass that threatened her. “Lemme guess, it’s 150 pages and features a Pierre and Percy musical duet?”

RetConnie chuckled and held out her empty drink for Steven. “175 and they get a full Broadway musical number. Forty of those pages are the dance choreography.” 

Steven topped off her beverage then looked at Connie expectantly. Connie politely declined.

RetConnie leaned forward in her seat. “It’s obvious things have gone differently between us, but how far back does it extend?”

“I have just the thing,” answered Connie as she got up and padded over to her pack. Pulling out the notebook of dates she’d brought, Connie returned to her spot on the couch. “Oh shoot. Hey Steven, toss me that pen, please.”

Steven leapt to his feet, tossed the writing implement to Connie and sat back down. RetConnie watched the exchange, her eyes lingering on Steven for a moment with an unsure expression.

Connie, paying no attention to all of that, flipped to the appropriate page and started at the top. “September of last year: Centipeetle Matriarch attack. Summoning your sword for the first time and then, uh, accidentally throwing it at the temple?”

“Hehe, yeah,” answered RetConnie, eyes crinkled in amusement rather than embarrassment.

“Okay, mid-October: big Red Eye thing shows up, Lapis drops it in the ocean where it explodes. Then you go to the Lunar Sea Spire.”

“Check,” said RetConnie.

“So, for me, I ran to Peridot and the Spire crumbled into the ocean,” said Connie, shame making her cheeks flush slightly. “Lapis got real upset and then she flew away for a couple weeks.”

RetConnie shook her head. “Sounds rough. I saved it, the spire was fixed, Lapis and Peridot had a big fight and things were awkward for a while. I think what shook them out of it was that my very first force field was summoned to separate them during an argument.”

Connie cocked her eyebrow at that. “Really? Weird. I didn’t summon my first field until,” Connie glanced down at her notes, “the start of November when I met Steven. Uh, the Steven from my dimension, I mean.”

Steven piped up. “Connie and I met on the same day as, uh, other-Connie and other-me, and I was all, ‘You know magic? Are you a magician?!’ We played on the beach and visited Yellowtail and Onion and this big worm monster showed up.” 

Connie nodded. “That sounds the same as it was for me. Steven went and used a harpoon gun to poof the worm while I distracted it with my force fields.”

Steven’s eyes went wide. “Other-me fired a harpoon at a monster? Don’t you need a license or something to operate one of those?” He pondered that for a moment until RetConnie gave him a playful boop on the nose. “Right! Sorry, so I got all scared and freaked out but Connie was super confident and superhero-y and summoned her super cool sword and saved everyone.”

RetConnie nodded as Steven looked up at her affectionately.

“YOU CAN SUMMON YOUR SWORD?!” shouted Connie. She hadn’t meant to, it had just erupted out of her.

RetConnie blinked. “Uh, sure. You can’t?” 

Connie gave a small shake of her head. 

Standing up, RetConnie said, “Here, check this out. Move down a little ways, Steven.”

Stretching her arm out, RetConnie grasped the air and... was holding her sword. _The Sword_. It shone a soft yellow light and there were faint crackles of electricity up and down the length of the blade.

"Whoooa..." said Connie, eyes wide as she experienced a rush of yearning. RetConnie, meanwhile, was looking the very picture of confident self-assurance. The blade just looked _natural_ in her grip, like it was an extension of the girl and just… _belonged._

RetConnie made a few swipes then said, “It turns out the sword is good at damaging more than just the temple. I threw this at the corrupted Kunzite and poofed it. It was the most incredible experience of my life up to that point. The gems really seemed to take me seriously after that. Peridot even fixed up mom’s shield for me.”

“Mom’s shield?” asked Connie.

“Really?! How did Jasper never…,” and she trailed off, shaking her head before she turned and said, “Steven, wanna show her the shield?”

In a blur, Steven was sprinting for the stairs to the loft. He came back with a small metal shield, more of a buckler really, that he strapped into place on his forearm with practiced ease. He looked at RetConnie expectantly, then gave a big smile when she nodded to him.

With a thrum, a circular, yellow force field radiated out from the edges of the shield, extending the buckler’s coverage so that Connie’s view of Steven was more yellow-tinted than not. He waved with his free hand. “I’m Connie’s sidekick!”

“Yes you are,” she cooed, “and you’re the best sidekick a heroine could have!” 

The boy beamed with pride.

RetConnie walked over to a basket filled with tennis balls. She took one, tossed it a time or two in the air with her free hand, then chucked the ball at Steven saying, “Shield up.” 

Steven complied immediately and the sphere was handily deflected.

“Shield Low,” and the boy’s shield was exactly where it needed to be.

Using a modified version of American Sign Language that you could do holding a sword in one hand, RetConnie signed ‘jump’, ‘left’, and said, “up high.”

She signed ‘roll’, ‘right’, and said, “Smaller shield.”

“Big shield, overhead.”

Like the lead and her follow in a dance; like a conductor and her star musician in a performance; like a heroine and her sidekick in combat, RetConnie and Steven acted in tandem, perfectly. 

After a time Connie was agape, having traveled through the spectrum of yearning, jealousy, and appreciation before ending up in sheer, mouth-open awe.

Their demonstration complete, RetConnie released the sword, allowing it to dissolve into motes of light. Connie was almost moved to tears seeing the sword she’d thought about daily for five months now vanish once more.

“Nice work. Go and put the shield back. I want to hear more about this alternate history of Connie’s,” said RetConnie while resuming her seat at the couch.

Blinking a few times and regaining her composure, Connie continued down her list. “Um, dad came out for my birthday. I accidentally aged backwards into a little girl. I’m fuzzy on the details while I was regressed, but I do know he told me a story about him and mom meeting, then later, when I was my normal age again, we had this big heart-to-heart. He’s moving back to Beach City kinda soon and he, uh, he has a girlfriend now.”

RetConnie’s eyebrows leapt up high on her brow. “Wow, sounds like I dodged a plasma blast on that one. My birthday was normal, all daddy’s little girl and arcade games. We took a nice walk down the dock. Oh! I learned how to people watch but I was able to keep that hidden until daddy left. He’s got this six month contract in Kansas right now and I certainly haven’t heard about any girlfriend,” she said, arms crossed in disapproval at the thought.

 _'Learned how to people watch'… what does that even mean?,_ wondered Connie as the girl in yellow paused for a moment.

Shaking her head, RetConnie added, “Oh, later that day though we were attacked by drill parasites. Daddy had left to handle a business call or something, which was for the best. The shield was really useful for that encounter, though I was using it since Steven wasn’t my sidekick yet. Actually, it was kind of a funny fight because Lapis couldn’t really do anything to them since they drilled right through her water fists.”

“But what about her hammer? The one that Peridot fixed? Uh, the gems got attacked by those while dad and I were out, but Lapis told me later how she used her hammer instead. She loves that thing. I’ve seen her cradle it like a baby. She once spent an hour polishing it, which is fifty-five minutes longer than I’ve seen her clean anything,” said Connie, recalling the Blue gem’s love affair with her accessory/melee weapon.

“Weird. I guess Peridot used all her fancy gem metal fixing mom’s shield instead,” replied RetConnie.

“Hmm,” said Connie, shrugging and moving down her list. “November and December were busy. Lapis and Peridot worked at the Big Donut.”

“WHAT?!” cried RetConnie and Steven in unison, the latter double checking his hearing aids.

“Oh and the gems and I got a lifetime ban from the Funland Amusement Park.”

“Nooo!” cried Steven, causing both Connies to startle and look his way. Distraught, the boy said, “Poor other-Steven because he was gonna- and you two could- then when it was summer- and on the ferris wheel I was thinking...”

He trailed off, cheeks flushing a deep red. “Uh, I mean, the other-me was probably thinking… about… Hey, who wants more snacks?” said Steven, getting to his feet, his hands in his pockets.

RetConnie chuckled and looked at Steven with half-lidded eyes. “Steven, sit.” He sat. “Have you been planning something? You don’t have to tell me, I just want to say that that’s very sweet of you,” and she ran a finger along one of his still-flushed cheeks.

She then shared a knowing look with Connie and asked, “Is yours like this too?”

 _Seriously, whaaat is all of this?,_ thought Connie. What she said though, was, “I, uh, I don’t really know.”

This time it was RetConnie’s turn to look awkward. She coughed into her fist and said, “Um, so how about the rest of the year?”

Happy for the conversational shift, Connie looked back at her list. “Jasper and I went to an inverted pyramid maze thing. It was kinda awful but we figured it out. Then in early December all four of us fought a walking ice castle and I was helped by a magical wolf.”

RetConnie nodded along. “It was all five of us in the pyramid and it went pretty smoothly. Wait, if it was just you and Jasper, and you don’t have a sword to throw, how did you reach the corrupted gem embedded in the obelisk?”

“The gravity was low so I went ‘moon girl’ on it.”

“Oh, that’s pretty neat. That was the first gem I ever bubbled, actually,” added RetConnie.

Once more Connie deflated. “Oh, mine got lost in the explosion.”

RetConnie gave her a sympathetic look then pressed on. “The Castle thing happened. When Peridot tried to swipe my phone I accidentally learned how to throw electricity.”

 _Of course you did,_ thought Connie. 

Apparently Connie’s expression said plenty because RetConnie gave an awkward chuckle. “I mean, it’s not a lot. I’m not throwing lightning bolts or anything, but I can do this. Bulb me,” she said to Steven who leapt up and rummaged through the esoteric pile of what Connie was realizing was training gear.

The boy handed RetConnie an incandescent bulb which promptly lit up in her grasp. She handed it back to Steven, then waved her outstretched palm over his head causing his hair to frizz out.

Reaching up and feeling his gravity-defying locks, he ducked away with a laugh. “Hey!”

RetConnie smiled then said to Connie, “Wolf was a big help. In fact, he’s on patrol with Jasper right now: we call it taking him for walkies,” she said, chuckling.

Connie looked at her pad, lips pursed. “At the end of December, the gems and I went to Steven’s for New Years,” and both RetConnie and Steven nodded at that, “Lapis and Peridot had been all happy and flirty and then… um, did they fuse into a giant woman named Hiddenite for you guys?”

RetConnie and Steven shared a look, then took one another’s hands. “Uh, no _they_ didn’t end up fusing. Anyway,” she said hurriedly and blushing slightly, “that about catches you up on me and Steven. What about you? When are you from?”

“Oh, mid-February so there isn’t much more on my list. Um, so after the Hiddenite thing, Lapis and Jasper and Peridot had a big, embarrassing fight, Lapis flew off and hasn’t been home since,” and Connie’s breath caught in her throat. She took a moment and RetConnie and Steven were polite enough to pretend they hadn’t noticed.

“Ahem, uh, around what is your present I followed Peridot to the Prime Kindergarten. Be careful since the control room has, like, gem mutants in the walls for some reason.”

RetConnie and Steven’s eyebrows shot way up at that.

“Then at the start of February I went to this abandoned quarry outside of town with Sadie and the Cool Kids,” said Connie.

RetConnie blinked in confusion. “The who?”

Connie elaborated, “Buck, who’s the mayor’s son, Jenny, the pizza delivery girl, and Sour Cream. You hang out with Sour Cream, Steven, when you two do music together for his secret project thingie, right?” 

RetConnie looked at Steven surprised. Steven rubbed the back of his head and said, “Oh, I mean, I used to do that, a little, and Sour Cream _is_ cool, but I mainly hang out with Connie these days. I don’t really have time for other stuff.”

“Not even _Lutes and Loot_ with me, Jeff, and Peedee? Roland Peggio and Carella Serpenthelm?” asked Connie with a quirked smile.

“Steven doesn’t have to pretend to do magic and fight monsters,” said RetConnie, still holding the boy’s hand. “Well, not my Steven,” she corrected. “Anyway, why would you hang out with those guys? Aren’t you training and patrolling and doing power trials? What can you learn from… people?”

Connie quirked her head, surprised at the question. “I mean, I do some of that stuff too. But Sadie is neat and she had some really good advice for coping with things. The Cool Kids are, well, cool and it was this fun outing… at least until we got to the quarry and a gemless monster made of, like, congealed bad vibes popped up. That… was pretty harsh, though I think I learned some things about mom and myself in the process.”

RetConnie looked suddenly interested. “Ooh, I’ve never fought a nightmare monster before. You said mom fought it too? That sounds awesome!” 

She drew herself up straighter and was looking into the middle distance as she spoke, her voice strong and confident. “I feel like, like for the longest time I was a scared little girl. I mean, the gems don’t need to sleep or breathe and they’re fast and strong whereas I’m half-gem and that human side is so weak and vulnerable. It wasn’t until I started going on missions and succeeding, unlocking new powers and really growing as a Crystal Gem, that I stopped feeling so insecure. That… that unlocked something, I think. Jasper told me once that ‘Citrines know confidence’ and confidence is the trick. Mom was a fighter. She was a Quartz. She was decisive and aggressive and, when she needed to be, she was ruthless. By getting past my hang-ups, by trusting in my instincts and being more like mom, I’m becoming a better gem too. It’s like… hey! Do you have the latest _Spirit Morph Saga_ book?”

Connie nodded, a part of her saying firmly that now might not be the best time for some literary criticism.

“So Lisa used the statue to unlock her full potential and go on to fulfill her destiny as a great and powerful witch. And that’s what I’m doing! I loved that book; it was so affirming to see my life running parallel to Lisa’s story. It was such a good tale of female empowerment, too. And now I’m helping so many people!” exclaimed RetConnie, eyes wide and starry.

 _I don’t know about all that other stuff, but her critical reading skills have certainly taken a turn for the worse,_ thought Connie’s inner critic.

“Helping people how, exactly?” asked Connie, a vague sense of unease crawling up her spine.

RetConnie blinked, drawn from her fervent display. “I mean, other than being better at being a Crystal Gem, I’m people watching. They’re happier now.”

Connie stared at her blankly, a hand unknowingly going to her gem.

Her yellow-clad doppelganger blew out a breath in a behavior Connie saw Peridot do when her pupil was being a little slow on the uptake. “You know how your Steven used to be secretly sad and insecure and worried about his future? Not to mention all indecisive and panicky in a stressful situation? I can see that now and make him better.” 

She turned to Steven. “I mean, no offense meant, sweetie,” -- _sweetie?!_ \-- “but you’re a much better sidekick now.”

“Oh, none taken,” said Steven with a smile and a wink.

“Jasper, Lapis, Peridot: they’re all better off now. I don’t have to tell you how much trouble they can have dealing with certain things themselves. I haven’t seen daddy, but if he’s feeling lonely enough to find a girlfriend then maybe I should get him to visit, because I certainly don’t want that.”

“You said you were from a month in the future. Is that when you got your time thingie?” asked RetConnie, eyes eager.

Feeling like she’d plunged into an ice bath, Connie could only nod dumbly.

“That’s awesome!” thrilled RetConnie. “I bet I can do like you are and visit other Connie’s as well. It sounds like not all of them are having such a successful time of it. I… I could help them too!”

“Oh! Maybe you could form a Justice League of Connies! Fight villains and beat monsters and make a really cool headquarters that’s in space surrounded by force fields! There could be dozens of Connies. No! Hundreds of Connies!” exclaimed Steven before his eyes went wide and he repeated in a whisper, “Hundreds of Connies…”

Connie had a curious moment. She had ice water flowing through her veins as a better, buff Connie and her… disquietingly obedient Steven talked excitedly of plans that spanned both time and space. She felt like a swimmer who just saw the silhouette of something _very large_ pass beneath her. Or like a person escaping a cave only to realize the light at the end of the tunnel was an onrushing train.

Then an epiphany crashed through her, literally causing her to sway in her seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


	3. Taking It Personally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you finish reading this chapter, there is a related omake story you might want to check out:  
> [Story of a Sidekick](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10673391/chapters/26264052) by [br42](http://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42) \- "The story of Timeline #2's Steven and his progression from friend to sidekick to something both more and less." **This fic is 100% canon.**

RetConnie and her sidekick went silent and looked her way.

 _Lisa IS the Cursed Scion! In that stupid, hackneyed book, they introduced a time loop and decided not to explain it until the next installment. That sense of wrongness about that aggravating passage? That I couldn’t articulate no matter how many times I reread it? It was that Lisa didn’t just become_ like _the Scion to defeat her, she_ became _the Scion. The Scion that was her going back in time to stop her from becoming the Scion in the first place! Power is monstrous without the wisdom to wield it properly. That’s Lisa’s error! That’s the Statue of Limitations’ curse!_

There were noises. People signed things at her. Someone was waving a hand in front of her face. _That’s probably important,_ thought a part of Connie. _I really should respond; let them know I didn’t have a stroke or something._

Connie shook her head, then waved the others back. “Whoa. Sorry there. I, uh, I think I’m suffering from the time travel version of jet lag,” she said trying to act casual despite her every nerve ending feeling like a plucked chord.

Reconnie’s expression went from concerned to perplexed to something else entirely. “Are you sure?” she said slowly, giving Connie a searching look.

Steven seemed at a complete loss for what to do and simply looked to RetConnie for guidance.

Connie forced a smile as she got up and began to slowly walk towards the door. “Hehe, yeah. Probably just one of those things. My sleep schedule is going to be all out of whack after this. Peridot is going to be so upset. I should, uh, I should probably…”

RetConnie glanced down. Connie did the same and noticed her hand had gone to the saber on her hip without her conscious knowledge. The girl in yellow narrowed her eyes. “Something’s not right here.”

Then she went silent. And _sparkled._ Connie could make out the furniture behind her… _through her._

Opaque once more, RetConnie said, “You’re scared. Why are…” and she _sparkled_ again, her words cut off before resuming with, “Self-loathing? Wait! You’re scared of me!”

 _I’ll take burgeoning Sith Lords for one thousand, Alex,_ thought the irreverent corner of Connie.

Meanwhile, the more serious section of her thought, _I have to break the chain. If I don’t, this whole thing spirals out of control and it’ll be_ all my fault. _This… this is bigger than me._

 _Sparkle_. “I see that surge of conviction. What are you planning?!” demanded RetConnie, taking a step forward.

Connie summoned a force field, separating herself from the girl in yellow, hand tight around the grip of the sword sheathed at her hip.

“Listen, RetConnie, you don’t have to do this!” Connie said. “It’s not too late to change.”

“Change?!” RetConnie strode forward, signing at Steven to head towards the door. Connie walked backward to keep the distance between them. “Why would I change when I’ve clearly--” RetConnie paused and lowered her voice. “Wait, hang on, what did you just call me?”

“Huh?”

“A second ago? Was it ... did you just call me RetConnie?”

Connie shrugged. “Yeah I ... that’s kinda the name I came up with and--”

RetConnie gave a sad chuckle and shook her head.

“You know what that-- that horrible pun is just giving me more reasons to shut you down.” Turning to Steven she said, “Steven, grab her. Don’t let her escape.”

Steven surged forward, coming at Connie from the side, his arms outstretched, his face merely one of concentration. He even had his tongue sticking out out of the corner of his mouth slightly.

Connie leapt up onto the window seat. “Steven! Stop!” 

Steven stopped.

RetConnie, who had been stalking forward near the kitchen divider, halted. She looked between Connie and Steven, disbelief giving way to anger. “Steven, don’t listen to her. Grab her and be sure to cover her mouth.”

Steven took a step forward when Connie shouted, “Steven, run up to the loft.” Steven turned on his heels.

“I said not to listen to her!” growled RetConnie as Steven ran up the stairs.

“I’m sorry, Connie, but I can’t!” wailed the boy.

“Rra! Get down here and help me stop her!” shouted RetConnie as she took off toward Connie.

“Eek!” squeaked Connie. She threw another force field in RetConnie’s way but RetConnie kicked off it and hurdled the kitchen divider entirely, landing in a roll and popping up, anger burning in her eyes.

 _Okay, she may be scary beyond all reason, but that was really cool_ , observed Connie’s inner critic.

“Steven,” barked Connie, throwing another force field up to contain her opponent in the kitchen (and feeling a little woozy from sustaining yet another one), “give our guest her backpack.”

The boy was quick to comply. 

“Thanks,” said Connie, shouldering it on.

“You’re not welcome!” he said, tears wetting his cheeks.

“Stop that! You’re upsetting him! Leave my Steven alone! Steven, throw something at her!” came the shout from the kitchen.

Steven reached for one of the boots near the door when Connie said, “Steven, take out your hearing aids and keep your eyes closed.”

“OH, YOU BITCH!” roared RetConnie as Steven rendered himself helpless, sobbing all the while.

A force field Connie didn’t summon sprang into being between Connie and the door. Then another overhead. Connie was trapped against the corner of the Beach House standing on the window seat.

Meanwhile, RetConnie had scrambled out of the kitchen and was trying to sign something into Steven’s palm.

 _Oh, this is gonna hurt_ , thought Connie as she lifted her backpack up in front of her face…

...and leapt headlong through the corner window of the house.

Connie heard fabric tearing and felt the hard patio floor rise up to meet her. She landed awkwardly, the wind knocked out of her, but nothing seemed to be bleeding.

 _Why did Peridot have to insist on double pane windows?,_ groaned Connie as she staggered to her feet, woozily ran down the patio stairs (leaving her shredded backpack behind), and tried to fumble her time-turner free of her pocket.

Connie reached the sand, a glimpse showing RetConnie staring down at her from the patio railing fifteen feet above. Connie took off at a sprint, finally getting the time-turner into her hands. 

Behind and above, RetConnie shouted, “I won’t let y-” and was abruptly cut off. Connie didn’t bother looking behind to see why.

“Take me back!” Connie said to the time-turner, still running.

Spin. Sand began flowing up into the top. Hum.

Suddenly she heard the pound of feet on sand behind her. Ignoring Drill Zero-Thirteen for the second time that month, Connie turned just in time to see RetConnie delivering a flying tackle at her.

_How did she get-_

**BAMF**

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

 _-down here-oof!,_ thought Connie as her opponent tackled her into the… linoleum floor?

Connie managed to kick RetConnie off her long enough to see she was in the baby aisle of the town’s grocery store that she seldom had cause to visit. Nearby she saw ...

She saw Peridot, her eyes tired, pushing a grocery cart with floating fingers and holding a baby. It didn’t take much imagination for Connie to realize who the baby was.

Peridot was turned away from them, pulling a can of Similac off the shelf. Baby Connie let out a cry, prompting Peridot to bounce gently in her arms.

“It’s alright,” she said in an extraordinarily tired voice. “Peri is getting it for you.”

The part of her that Jasper called ‘situational awareness’ was reporting that her opponent should have struck at her again by now. Whipping around she saw RetConnie staring at the scene, distracted as well.

RetConnie glanced at Connie, back to Peridot, then back to the baby.

A horrible thought entered Connie’s head: RetConnie did something to Steven and the gems. What if RetConnie did… whatever it was but to baby Connie?! Would it warp the infant? Was this even Connie’s past? RetConnie’s past? Were there even distinct timelines this far back?! She had to stop her!

A horrible thought entered RetConnie’s head: her sick, jealous rival had intended to go back and undo RetConnie’s timeline entirely. Why else would she visit herself as an infant?! She had to stop her!

 _She’s thinking it,_ both Connies realized. _She is because if I was evil, that’s probably what I would do._

RetConnie leapt forward like a sprinter after the fire of the gun, gaining an early lead.

“No!” Connie shouted then said, to her time-turner, “I said take us back!”

Peridot stiffened and started to turn around--

But Connie ran and tackled RetConnie, the time-turner spinning and humming.

There was a flash of light -- **BAMF** \-- as they disappeared.

Peridot stared at the empty space, having seen neither of the Connies. After a moment, she shrugged and rocked the baby Connie back and forth, returning to her shopping.

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

Marty sat on some rocks and took a swig from a bottle, having just been chased off the stage by Mary. He mumbled ungentlemanly curses, all the while hearing the sounds of the beach concert playing _“What Can I Do For You?”_ in the distance.

 _What a waste of a meal ticket,_ Marty thought. _I need to relax. I should probably see what that girl was up to._

_She seemed like a decent enough lady ... whatever her name was._

_V-something. Veronica?_

_Yeah, something like that._

“I guess I’ll walk or--”

Before Marty could finish his thought, there was a flash of light and two young, identical twins appeared in front of him, struggled, fighting over something one of them held in her hand.

“Give it to me!” the more muscular one said.

“Never!” the other said, poking her in the eye.

The other paused for a second, Starchild’s song having reached the lyric _“What can I do that ... no one else can do?”_ She went pale.

“Too far back! Take me forward!” she shouted. She raised her hand. The more muscular one, still clutching to the other’s clothes, raised her fist to take a swing and--

There was another flash of light -- **BAMF** \-- and they disappeared.

Marty blinked, then shook his head, baffled as to what had just happened. He looked at his bottle.

“Wow ... I’m drunk,” he mumbled.

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

When the light cleared, she felt RetConnie’s fist collide with her face, causing the both of them to pivot and spin in an endless sea of stars and darkness.

Connie opened her mouth to gasp, only to realize there was no air.

RetConnie floated nearby, spinning the opposite direction, opening her mouth, only to have no sound come out. Her face started to turn blue.

Something occluded some of the stars: a rock; many rocks; they were in a debris field in space!

She clutched the time-turner, willing it to take her back to a beach, _with breathable atmosphere and appropriate pressure,_ she added, _and not the far edge of the universe or..._

The time-turner lit up, spinning. Connie could feel the hum in her palm even if she couldn’t hear it.

Connie was looking at the face of the Moon, visible despite the debris, just as RetConnie clutched her.

**BAMF**

* * *

\--- Timeline #2---

**BAMF**

Connie and RetConnie collapsed onto the sand, sucking in lungfuls of air, unable to do more.

After a time, they both managed to haul themselves upright, though neither was capable of delivering more than a harsh glare at the moment. They were on a tiny island, a spit of sand thrust out of the ocean with nothing on it and nowhere visible to go.

“Why?” croaked out RetConnie before almost doubling over coughing.

Connie took a wheezing breath. “You’re. Crazy. No. Humanity. Just-” and she had to cough before finishing with, “Just. Powers.” She tapped her gemstone for emphasis.

RetConnie glared at her. “Gems not. Crazy. And They. Were never. Human. To begin. With.” Her gemstone flared for a moment and a force field appeared, positioned so she could lean against it. She pointed at Connie. “You’re weak. So you make. Weakness. A virtue. Who made you. Judge?” she asked in retort.

Connie shrugged. “You don’t. Fix people. You help- Help them fix. Themselves.” Connie coughed once more then struggled to her feet, wobbling slightly. “Dad is moving on. Steven should be able to make his own decisions. The gems are, I think they’re cracked. Emotionally. People know how to heal but they don’t. I mean, they’re hundreds and thousands of years old. Why are they still so bad at this?!”

RetConnie was standing once more. Her force field vanished. “Why?” she asked again. “You say I’m crazy, that I meddle where I shouldn’t, but look at you. What you’re trying to do is a thousand times bigger. You’re the opposite of normal.”

Connie shook her head. “No, I’m the opposite of you. Like, in physics, I’m the equal, opposing reaction. Your misdeeds made me act this way and now I have to unmake you,” she said.

“You’re certainly not my equal,” said RetConnie with a humorless chuckle. She closed her eyes and when she opened them she was looking at Connie, almost pleading. Her voice started quiet but grew more forceful as she spoke. “I tried to be nice, invited you into my home, tried to show you all the things you could achieve, and you repaid me by breaking my windows, breaking my trust, breaking my Steven!”

“He’s not yours!”

“You’re trying to erase me, like I’m some, some wrong answer on a test! Why even come? Why?! I was happy! Steven was happy! Everyone was happy and then you show up! I _want_ to let you leave. I just want to go home, but I can’t! You have that,” RetConnie said, eyes fixed on the time-turner Connie was clutching, “and my family and I may never be safe so long as you do.”

Connie shook her head sadly. “They stopped being safe the moment you decided you knew what was best for them.”

“Because you’re too weak and broken to help anyone, no one can,” RetConnie spat, her expression hardening.

“If I’m so weak, why do I still have this?” taunted Connie, waggling the time-turner.

“Good question,” answered RetConnie. She summoned her sword and extended it toward Connie.

“Give it to me. Now. No more running. No more tricks. No more debates. I have a magic sword and you don’t. I win,” said RetConnie, her eyes flinty but her voice sounding almost tired.

Connie stepped back until the surf was lapping around her shoe. RetConnie jabbed her lightly in the shoulder. It hurt a little, but she could certainly make it hurt a lot more.

With shaking fingers, Connie handed over the time-turner.

“Finally!” Retconnie said as she grasped it, taking a few steps back. “I would say it was nice meeting you, but it hasn’t.”

Connie put a hand in her pocket and her eyes went wide. RetConnie looked like she was about to give her command to the time-turner when Connie blurted out, “Wait! If you leave me here, I’ll die. And you will too!”

“Nice try, but that makes no sense--”

“No ... think about it,” Connie said, stepping out of the surf. “If I die and you take the time-turner... I could never have gone back in time from the future to make your timeline by wishing to meet you.”

“Wait, no that’s ...” RetConnie thought for a second. “Yeah no, see, because, future-you doesn’t need to go in the past to branch the timelines because past-you from my future… I mean, if you did die, the you from my future’s alternate past would still be-- wait.”

RetConnie bit her lip trying to wrap her mind around the vagaries of time travel. It was enough for Connie to fling the sand that had gotten wedged into her pocket while she had been gasping on the ground.

“Ah!” yelled RetConnie, dropping both her sword and the time-turner as she brought her hands up to her eyes.

“Ahah!” cried Connie, snatching up the hourglass. “Now, no more crazy time and space destinations. Take me back to where I can end all of this for good. I have to break the chain before it begins. Take me to when I got the time-turner in the first pl-aAH!”

RetConnie tackled her once more, the pair grappling in the sand of the island as the sand of the hourglass began to flow forwards, from the top down into the base, and a high-pitched hum sang out.

Connie managed to get to the top of the grapple and stuff the time-turner in her pocket just as-

**BAMF**

* * *

\--- Timeline #3---

**BAMF**

"Connie! I made a mistake! You have to- agh!"

* * *

"Keep Steven safe! Whatever happens, he shouldn't suffer for this," Sconnie cried out.

"Steven? Safe f-from what?"

Sconnie shouted though her voice was no louder than a whisper as she came apart. "Keep him safe... from... _us!"_

Like the other, she vanished into sparkles of dust and light.

Connie could only stand there in a kind of emotional shock, the afterimage of her alternate self still burned in her eyes, her words still ringing in her ears.

Dimly Connie became aware of the sound of heavy footsteps and voices.

Jasper strode past, the veteran noting at a glance the signs of battle.

"-nnie? Connie! We thought we heard a disturbance. Did we miss something?" asked Peridot, the Green gem stepping into Connie's view.

Connie gave the gem a slow shake of her head.

"Yeah, you kind of missed a lot, ma'am."

* * *

The warp pad was piling up. Connie was sitting, shellshocked on the edge of the crystal.

“See what I mean, Peridot?” said Jasper as she set down a huge, greenish cube that displaced so much air dropping to the floor it made Connie’s hair flutter.

“Yes, your thesis is certainly bolstered by the events Connie recounted,” came the nasal reply.

Connie looked up. “What? Guys, I’m sort of freaking out here… What are you two even talking about?”

Peridot used her tractor beam to deposit a stack of circuitry atop the pile of salvage, then drew herself up into a lecturing pose. “Oh, Jasper thinks causality isn’t stable when dimensional travel is an option. As such all attempts to exploit the technology are doomed to failure, either directly or by having the dimensional traveler go and prevent their alternate self from making the attempt outright. It’s basically the anthropic principle but on a multiversal scale: reality cannot exist with time paradoxes so the only realities that do exist are those that prevent them from happening in the first place.”

Connie looked up at Jasper, skepticism warring with emotional fatigue for dominance on her face.

Jasper rolled her eyes over the materials she was carrying. “I said, every time we go here and the hourglass we pick isn’t a paperweight, one of us appears to stop us from taking it. Plus, this whole place _did_ get knocked out of reality. Maybe we should take the hint.”

Connie blew out a long breath. “Yeah. Um, that sounds good. I... I need to go take a long walk and think about some things. And after that I need to take an even longer bath, then sleep for a month. I’d use the warp whistle but right now I’m afraid to touch anything that’s gemtech. Can one of you warp me home, please?”

* * *

By all accounts it should have been late. Thoughts and experiences like this should conclude with the heroine going out to brood under the moon and the stars. However, it was early afternoon and the sun was shining and the gulls were wheeling overhead and everything just seemed so _normal._

_I would say reality has no sense of the dramatic but I just lived the counter-example._

She sat on the sand in a remote stretch of beach, away from the Beach House, away from the gems, away from everyone and everything.

_Keep him safe... from... us!_

Not away from her memories, however.

Her phone rang; the chipper ringtone was immediately recognizable. It was Steven, no doubt wanting to ask her about the mission over some fry bits or something.

_Keep him safe... from... us!_

Connie touched the screen, her finger held in place for a moment as she struggled with a multitude of feelings.

She swiped down and declined the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so nice to finally share the conclusion of _Connie and The Connie_. This episode has been in the works since before [Episode 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9559703/chapters/21613934) had ended back in February. For those of you who like teasing out additional information, I encourage you to take what you've learned here and go revisit the places in this story where Citrine has shown up.
> 
> Moving on, however, there are lots of fun things to announce. 
> 
> First, Connie Swap turned one over the last week. The first chapter of _Episode 1: Gem Glow_ was posted on July 9th, 2016. There was a [special post about it](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/post/162782206713/a-year-ago-today-the-connieswap-crew-was-not-even) over on the Connie Swap Tumblr, but I'll go ahead and give you a slice of cake here.  
> 
> 
> Next, BR42 has finally finished the rewrite of Episode 1, with the updated version of Ep1Ch3 going up on Friday. He says that if any of you are missing Lapis then you should go check out the revised chapter because there are lots of new jokes and nicknames as well as some showy combat moments from her in there. The revised chapter doesn't introduce any new plot details, but it corrects a few old assumptions baked into the chapter as well as brings the old text in line with the style we settled on around Episode 3. Plus our editor can't turn down a chance to enliven the prose as he goes.
> 
> On the omake front, there are two new ones we want to draw your attention to:  
> *) [Steven and Connie Do A Let's Play](http://thatpurplemaskedchick.tumblr.com/post/162367995815/steven-and-connie-do-a-lets-play) by [Jess4400](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jess4400/pseuds/Jess4400) \- "Steven introduces Connie to Undertale."
> 
> *) [Love Me Like You Do](http://thatpurplemaskedchick.tumblr.com/post/162683022110/week-two-omake-love-me-like-you-do) by [Jess4400](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jess4400/pseuds/Jess4400) \- Based on the Week 2 prompt from the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/).
> 
> And finally, tune in next Wednesday for the start of **Episode 10: The Butterfly Effect**.  
> 
> 
>  
> 
> _After the events at the Sea Shrine Lab, Connie has a lot on her mind._
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


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